Driving Philosophy: Hazard Lights, Honking & Hand Signals

DISCLAIMER IMPORTANTE (But Make It Fun):

¡Atención, mis amores! Before Skip and I make you laugh about our driving adventures, let's be clear: This blog is 100% HUMOR and 0% driving advice! Costa Rica has way too many traffic accidents because some people think traffic laws are more like "traffic suggestions" or "traffic maybe-if-I-feel-like-it."

We DO NOT endorse, approve, or recommend driving like a loco/loca! Please use your materia gris (gray matter) when behind the wheel. Signal your turns (yes, even at the mango tree), respect the traffic lights (yes, even yellow ones), and for the love of all that is holy, don't park in the middle of the road—hazards or no hazards!

This blog is about laughing at our cultural differences, NOT a tutorial on how to become a traffic statistic. Drive safely, people! We want you alive to read next week's blog about Skip's attempt to make chifrijo with ketchup (¡Dios nos ampare!).

Remember: You can laugh at the chaos without contributing to it. Be the change you want to see at the rotonda!

Con amor and safety first, Tere & Skip

P.S. - If you're using "donde el palo de mango" as GPS directions... maybe just use Waze instead, ¿sí?

Expat Perspective by Skip — A Gringo from Florida...

I’ve been driving in Costa Rica for a while now, and I think I’ve finally cracked the code—or at least, I have learned how to survive without losing my sanity (or my bumper)!

First off, hazard lights here are magical. Costa Rica is where the real wizardry happens.

You can stop in the middle of the road, halfway through a turn or directly in front of a bakery… as long as those hazards are blinking, you’re invisible to the law of traffic. I once saw a guy put on his hazards just to answer his phone and order empanadas. Legend.

Parking is another adventure. I used to think “No Parking” meant… well, no parking. Now I realize it just means, “If you’re quick, go for it!” I’ve seen cars double-park, triple-park, and once I swear a guy parked on a sidewalk with a cone that said “Gracias por su comprensión.”

Turn signals? Optional. I turned mine on once, and a Tico friend in the passenger seat looked at me like I’d just performed a complicated magic trick. “Ah sí, muy gringo,” he said. I'll have to admit.. Not too many people use them in the USA either!

And honking—oh boy. Back home in Florida, a honk meant someone was mad. Here, it’s a full language. One honk is “Pura Vida,” two is “Nice parking job,” and three is “Get moving, amigo!” I haven’t figured out what four means yet, but I think it involves love, revenge or both.

And just when I think I understand the rules, a motorcycle materializes out of thin air, cuts between two buses, and disappears into another dimension. And wow, there's thousands of those surrounding every driver each and every day of the week!

At this point, I just roll down my window, smile, and shout, “Pura Vida!”—because in Costa Rica, even chaos has rhythm, and somehow… everyone gets where they’re going.

Eventually. It all comes back to patience, doesn't it? I've said many times that if you don't become ONE with patience here in one of the happiest countries on the planet.. well, you know what happens.

You pack up and head back from where you came. . tail between your legs and a lost, sickening feeling in your gut. I guess that is definitely what it boils down to.. . you ADAPT or you perish. 

So, get your mind and your PHILOSOPHY right and you'll be enjoying the Pura Vida Lifestyle forever.

Why Gringos Will Never Understand Our Driving Phylosofy, Our Logic

Por Tere de Santa Cruz

¡Por favor, Skip! You think you've "cracked the code"? Mi amor, you've barely scratched the surface of our beautiful automotive ballet! Let me educate you about what's REALLY happening on our roads:

The Hazard Light Philosophy

You gringos think hazard lights are for emergencies. ¡Qué cute! Here's what they REALLY mean:

• "I'm buying lottery tickets, be right back"

• "My cousin is in that pulpería, just saying hi"

• "It's raining and I suddenly forgot how to drive"

• "I see someone I know and we're having a 20-minute conversation through our car windows"

• "This is my street but I'm not sure, so I'll stop here and think about it"

And that guy ordering empanadas? That's my neighbor Don Carlos! He's a hero—he once used hazards to stop traffic for a sloth crossing. ¡Un verdadero patriota!

Turn Signals - The Gringo Obsession

Skip, mi vida, why warn people what you're going to do? That ruins the surprise! Besides, everyone already KNOWS where I'm turning:

• At the mango tree (obviously)

• Where Doña María's dog always barks

• At the house that used to be blue but is now green

• Right after the pothole that looks like Nicaragua

When you use turn signals here, we think either:

1. Your car is broken

2. You're new (pobrecito)

3. You're trying to trick us (very suspicious!)

The Honking Symphony You Still Don't Understand

Oh Skip, "four honks involves love or revenge"? ¡No, no, no! Let me give you the REAL honking dictionary:

• One short honk: "Thanks/Hello/Nice to see you"

• Two honks: "I know your mother"

• Three honks: "Move it, I'm late for my telenovela"

• Four honks: "Your ex IS here" (okay, you got that one right)

• Five honks: "The soccer game is starting!"

• Long hoooooooonk: "I just got married/divorced/won the lottery/all three"

• Honk-pause-honk-honk: "Hey beautiful!" (works for people, dogs, and nice cars)

• Machine gun honking: "SAPRISSA CAMPEÓN!"

The Yellow Light Situation

You gringos stop at yellow lights like it's a brick wall! Yellow doesn't mean "stop," it means "HURRY UP!"

• Green = Go

• Yellow = Go faster

• Red = Stop... unless you're already halfway through, or running late, or it just turned red, or nobody's looking, or you have hazards on

  
  

Motorcycle Quantum Physics

Skip, you finally understand! Motorcycles here don't follow normal physics. They exist in multiple dimensions simultaneously. It's not chaos—it's evolution! Our motorcycle drivers have developed supernatural abilities:

• Telepathy (they know when you're going to turn before YOU do)

• Invisibility (especially to side mirrors)

• Matter displacement (fitting through spaces that don't exist)

• Time travel (leaving after you but arriving before you)

The REAL Universal Truths You Missed

1. The Right of Way Hierarchy

   • Biggest vehicle wins (unless it's a school bus, then everyone waits)

   • Oldest car wins (it has nothing to lose)

   • Car with most people hanging out windows wins

   • Anyone with a mattress tied to their roof is KING

2. Valid GPS Directions Include

   • "Where the old Más x Menos used to be"

   • "Turn at the big tree—no, the OTHER big tree"

   • "If you hit the river, you went too far"

   • "Follow the smell of gallo pinto"

3. Parking Laws

   • If your hazards are on, it's legal

   • If you leave someone in the car, it's not really parked

   • Sidewalks are just suggested walking areas

   • "No Parking" signs are decoration

My Confession

Skip, remember when you complained about me directing you to turn "después del palo de mango"? Well, there are actually SEVEN mango trees on that road. The fact that you found the right one means you're finally becoming Tico!

And that time you got mad because I told you to "turn where the cow usually stands"? The cow wasn't there that day, but you should have KNOWN where the cow WOULD have been standing. That's basic Tico navigation!

The Truth About Adaptation

You say "adapt or perish," but Skip, you're thinking about it all wrong! It's not about adapting to chaos—it's about understanding the BEAUTY of our system. Every honk is a greeting, every hazard light is an act of communication, every motorcycle weaving through traffic is a dancer in our daily street ballet!

When you finally understand that traffic laws here are more like... suggestions with personality, you'll achieve true Pura Vida driving enlightenment. You're getting there—yesterday I saw you double-park with confidence! I was so proud!

My Challenge for Skip

Next week, I'm teaching you the advanced course:

• How to parallel park using only honking and prayer

• The art of the four-way-stop standoff (whoever waves most wins)

• Why putting your hand out the window solves everything

• How to transport a refrigerator on a motorcycle (just kidding... unless?)

¡Pura Vida, mae!

Remember: In Costa Rica, we don't have road rage, we have road PHILOSOPHY. And sometimes, that philosophy is “Por qué no?"

Tere

P.S. - Skip, that "complicated magic trick" with your turn signal? My cousin thought you were trying to communicate with aliens. We still laugh about it at family dinners. "Remember when the gringo tried to signal at the mango tree?" ¡Qué risa!

P.P.S. - Your bumper is safe... probably. Just don't park near my Tía Rosa. She learned to drive at 67 and believes bumpers are for "gentle communication between cars.